So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
