Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I need help removing her.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
