Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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