you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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