Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
