How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
