I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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