she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
