erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
