so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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