I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
