i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
