I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
