Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
