Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
