how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so much tequila, so little girl.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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