So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
