i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
