cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
