There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
