Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
