I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
