I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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