So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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