Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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