you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
