Quick, to the slutcave!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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