Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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