Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
