Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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