dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
