did you get engaged???
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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