But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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