it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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