:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
