I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
