my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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