Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
