you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
