hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
