so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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