no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
