Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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