i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
