I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
