can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
