just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
