Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
