this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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