you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
birth control should be required to get into college
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
