Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
