VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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