I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
